Sneezy Alien Attack Read online

  Written by Tim Collins

  Illustrations by John Bigwood

  Front cover illustration by Joëlle Dreidemy

  Thanks to Collette Collins, Philippa Wingate and Bryony Jones

  First published in Great Britain in 2014 by Buster Books,

  an imprint of Michael O’Mara Books Limited,

  9 Lion Yard, Tremadoc Road, London SW4 7NQ

  www.busterbooks.co.uk

  Buster Children’s Books

  @BusterBooks

  www.cosmiccolin.co.uk

  Text copyright © Tim Collins

  The rights of Tim Collins and John Bigwood to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work have been asserted by them.

  Illustration copyright © Buster Books 2014

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  ISBN: 978-1-78055-242-2

  eISBN: 978-1-78055-267-5

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  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER ONE

  This is a bin.

  This is my friend Harry jumping into it.

  And this is me, following him right in.

  Why are we jumping into a bin?

  Because it’s not really a bin at all, of course.

  It’s a spaceship that can take us

  Strange things happen every time we get in it.

  Like the time we were captured by aliens with giant noses.

  CHAPTER TWO

  My little brother David is REALLY annoying.

  He’s not just annoying in the way that ALL brothers and sisters are.

  He’s COMPLETELY annoying.

  He deliberately messes around in front of the screen when I’m at a difficult bit in a computer game.

  He turns the lights on and off all the time and shouts, ‘Disco!’

  He says the word ‘cool’ all the time like it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

  And he ALWAYS has a cold.

  Mum NEVER wants to know.

  So I have to keep listening to his horrible sniffles.

  Mum never thinks David does anything wrong.

  One day, I tried to take my mind off things by playing my bowling computer game.

  It was going really well. I’d scored eleven strikes in a row.

  Just one more and I’d have bowled a PERFECT GAME for the FIRST TIME EVER.

  I got my player into position, put just the right amount of spin on the ball, and . . .

  CHAPTER THREE

  Harry couldn’t have picked a better time to land the spacebin in our garden.

  I thought about what might happen . . .

  Harry shrugged and wandered back to the spacebin. It looked like I was doomed to a day of listening to David snivelling.

  But then Harry stopped.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Epsilon B was AWESOME. It’s the only planet in the galaxy with a non-stop log flume. It’s like a normal log flume in a theme park, but it lasts forever, because it goes all the way round the planet.

  Harry showed me on his space communicator.

  These were very simple instructions. Which is why I should have been worried. My brother can NEVER follow simple instructions.

  Harry jumped on to a log and clung on tight.

  I jumped on to a log and clung on tight.

  David jumped on to a log behind me.

  I don’t know why I let him go last. I should have made him go in front so I could keep an eye on him.

  I was enjoying the log flume so much, I forgot to check on David.

  I couldn’t believe it when I did. Even on a planet with no one around, David still wanted to show off.

  The drop went on for AGES. At the bottom, I plunged into the cold water, still clinging to my log with all my strength.

  I bobbed back up again and saw Harry on his log floating next to me, spitting out a mouthful of water.

  David’s log popped up next. But David wasn’t on it.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  We clambered on to the muddy shore of the river.

  There was no reply.

  It was SO TYPICAL of David. He’d disappeared, and now we had to walk to the top of a steep hill that was really hard to climb.

  We clambered up, calling his name until we were out of breath.

  Nothing.

  I was muddy and drenched in sweat by the time we got to the top.

  There was still no sign of my brother.

  There was a large pile of rocks at the top of the hill.

  I leant against one for a moment.

  The rocks lurched and started moving. They weren’t rocks . . .

  . . . they were MONSTERS! There must have been over a hundred in total.

  CHAPTER SIX

  We ducked into the forest just as the first of the monsters was about to grab us.

  As I pelted through the thick trees, I heard the heavy stomps of the monsters fading into the distance.

  It was weird to have all those smells filling my nostrils at once. It reminded me of the afternoon Mum spent hours trying out perfumes in a shop, and David and I got so dizzy we had to lie down.

  We ran over to where the noise had come from. But when we got there, the noise had gone further away.

  Every time we ran towards the noise, it moved.

  Eventually we arrived in a clearing.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Harry leaned over to one of the creatures and spoke in a soft voice.

  The creatures threw heavy sacks over our heads and tied them with string.

  The creatures dragged us for ages over bumpy ground.

  They didn’t listen to Harry:

  Or to me:

  Things were no better when they finally let us out of the sacks.

  I grabbed the bars of my window and stared out at the darkening sky. We were in prison AND we’d lost David.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Harry spent all evening listening to the creatures and jotting things down on his space communicator.

  Harry handed me his communicator.

  We jumped up and down to get the Choos’ attention.

  A couple of minutes later, the Choos threw another sack into our cell.

  Something stinky crawled out . . .

  . . . it was David. They’d found him! Brilliant news!

  Then I realized it wasn’t brilliant news at all. I was still in prison, only now I’d have to put up with David’s sneezing, too.

  CHAPTER NINE

  David’s cold was even worse next morning. Now he was even more annoying, if that was possible.

  I stuck my hands over David’s slimy nose and mouth and took them away when Harry nodded.

  It was like playing the world’s most disgusting recorder.

  The Choos unlocked the cell door for us and marched us out.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It turned out we’d been in the basement of a huge palace. Hundreds of Choos stopped to s
tare as we walked past.

  The creatures led us through endless corridors.

  We walked past a bathing room, where rows of Choos were dipping their noses in large basins.

  We walked past a bedroom where some Choos were sleeping on beds of paper tissues, snoring as loudly as jet engines.

  Every room was stuffed with the bright flowers we’d seen in the forest. The sickly sweet whiff was so strong at times that I felt jealous of David for having a cold.

  We ended up in a large room.

  The Choo king was sitting on a lavish throne.

  Harry translated as the Choos spoke.

  Harry nodded at me and I operated David again.

  Harry nodded at me again. I tried to operate David, but he sneezed so hard my hands slipped, and I couldn’t follow Harry’s instructions.

  The king looked very angry.

  This time I kept my hands steady and carried out Harry’s instructions correctly.

  As Harry explained how we came to be in the forest, a large crowd of Choos gathered in the throne room to stare at us.

  When we got to the part in our story about the Chompers, the crowd’s reaction turned to anger.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The king sighed and shook his head when we’d finished.

  Harry translated his story.

  ‘I’m glad for your sakes that you escaped the deadly Chompers. They’ve made our lives miserable since they arrived on this planet . . .

  ‘We lived here peacefully for hundreds of years. We devoted our time to growing beautiful flowers that filled our nostrils with sweet smells.

  ‘Then the Chompers came. Soon a whole army of them was eating everything in sight. It was the worst disaster since the great hayfever outbreak of 14007.

  ‘Sometimes they ate things raw. At other times, they cooked them in foul-smelling sauces that offended our sensitive nostrils.

  ‘And afterwards, they had terrible bouts of wind that offended our sensitive nostrils even more.

  ‘My father led a group of Choos and went to confront them. He told them to go home and leave us in peace.

  ‘The Chompers ate the Choos without even bothering to answer. They probably didn’t understand what my father was saying, but it was still very rude.

  ‘We retreated into the forest, where Chompers never seem to venture.

  ‘We’re safe in here, but we’d do anything to get rid of the foul-smelling beasts and have the planet to ourselves again.

  ‘We long to roam the hills and plains and ride the beautiful log flume without having to worry about getting eaten. But we probably never shall.’

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  When the Choo king had finished speaking, Harry gave me some instructions to operate David.

  The Choos marched us back through the palace and locked us in our cell again.

  I had just a couple of hours to work out a way to defeat the Chompers and win our freedom.

  Everything I came up with seemed wrong.

  But then I thought of something. Maybe there WAS something on the planet that could poison the Chompers . . .

  . . . something they’d avoided, even though they ate EVERYTHING else.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  We went back to see the king and I operated David to describe the plan.

  The king thought about it for a moment and nodded. A few minutes later, we set off for the edge of the forest again. Only this time, we were honoured guests rather than prisoners.

  Then we prepared our attack. It was all very simple – I’d worked out the reason the Chompers wouldn’t go in the forest. It was because of all the flowers!

  The flowers must be poisonous to Chompers.

  All we had to do was gather huge piles of flowers and lob them at the Chompers.

  The Choos set up catapults on top of the hill. They blew their war bugles.

  Chompers crowded on to the plain below.

  We set off the catapults, pelting the Chompers with flowers.

  Then we pelted them again.

  And again, using the last of our supplies.

  The Chompers gobbled up the flowers and continued up the hill. They didn’t look very poisoned.

  All the Choos turned to look at me.

  The Chompers let out loud roars as they made their way up the hill.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  The Choos fled back into the forest, leaving us to face the army of Chompers alone.

  I heard something scrabbling behind me. I turned and saw David running up the hill.

  David ran behind one of the big rocks.

  We ran up to David. He was trying to push one of the rocks.

  We leapt behind the rock and helped David shove it. It shifted forward, slowly at first. But it rolled faster and faster as it headed for the first group of Chompers.

  I couldn’t believe it. David had actually come up with a good idea for once.

  The boulder had wiped out the first group of Chompers. But there were still loads of them coming up the hill towards us.

  We got behind the first boulder and started to play.

  The final boulder had missed the last group of Chompers completely. They rushed up the hill, gnashing and snarling . . .

  . . . closer and CLOSER.

  Huge rocks hurtled down from the top of the hill. By removing the boulders, we’d started a massive landslide that was heading right for us.

  I ran towards the forest and leapt out of the path of the stones.

  I landed on the ground, just inches away from the rumbling landslide. A huge cloud of dust billowed over me, filling my eyes, ears and nostrils.

  Phew! Harry and David had avoided the stones, too.

  When the dust cleared, I looked back down the hill. All the Chompers, including the ones who’d been chasing us, were completely buried now.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  It was only now that the cowardly Choos ventured back out of the forest. When they saw that all the Chompers were defeated, they jumped and snorted with joy.

  They lifted us in the air and carried us home.

  That night, the king threw a huge feast in our honour.

  The Choos stuck their noses over their plates and inhaled all their food in a single snort.

  I was amazed. Even David can’t polish off a whole meal that fast.

  I think the Choos were pretty confused when we started eating with our mouths instead of our noses, but they didn’t say anything.

  Maybe it’s rude for them to talk with their noses full.

  After the meal, the king took us to his throne room.

  He proudly unveiled statues of us.

  I THINK they were supposed to be flattering. So I said thanks.

  Then it was time to leave. I’d have liked to have had another go on the log flume, but I didn’t want to risk any more disasters.

  The Choos showered us with pongy petals as we clambered into the spacebin.

  I was looking forward to getting away from all those flowery smells. Even the stink of David’s room would come as a relief after those.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Harry set the spacebin’s controls to arrive back at my house a minute after we’d left.

  We climbed out and David raced over to the house.

  I ran over to David and grabbed the flower from his back.

  I could only think of one way to make sure the alien flower would never touch the soil.